How Self-Reliance Can Change Your Life
As you know, adulting can be hard. We are constantly juggling work, relationships, monthly bills, and finding time for ourself. Sometimes, we are barely making it. Right? And the best part comes next. In the middle of all the chaos, a little voice telling us: shouldn’t I have figured out by now? It’s okay to have this question because this is where self-reliance comes in. You can work it out by learning more on how self-reliance can change your life.
Being self-reliant doesn’t mean doing everything alone.Self-reliance is the key to personal growth, resilience, and well-being.
In this post, we’re going to talk about how self-reliance can change your life. The article will give you an overview of what self-reliance is, why it matters and how to build it without burning out.
- What Is Self-Reliance
- Why Is Self-Reliance Important
- How To Build Self-Reliant
What Is Self-Reliance
Self-reliance is the ability to independently choose and execute a course of action that results in you getting something you want (Bandura, 1977). It’s really about believing in yourself, trusting your instincts, and taking all these steps on your own, with confidence and success. It’s trusting yourself to get things done.
We can break down self-reliance into several key parts (Haley, 2013) so you can learn how self-reliance can change your life:
Self-Motivation
If you cannot find the motivation to do something on your own, you will have to get that momentum from somewhere else, and you won’t be self-reliant. Many of us rely on external forces to move us into action, but for many life tasks, that won’t cut it.
The main questions to ask yourself are: do you wait for someone to nudge you into action? Do you find the drive within? Self-reliance starts with the ability to get yourself going, even when no one is watching.
Self-Efficacy
Self-efficacy is the belief that you can do something. If you do not trust that you are capable of doing something, you’re likely to either avoid doing it or – a better choice – ask for help.
So, the idea here is that boosting this belief can make all the difference and improve your self-reliance.
Instrumentality
Having the actual means to do something. No matter how badly you want to fix your own flat tire, if you do not have the training – or tools – to do it successfully on your own, you will need to seek out the help of someone who does.
So, ask yourself this: do I have the tools and skills to get things done? The reality is: wanting to do something isn’t enough. Self-reliance also requires knowing how to do it and having access to the right tools.
Self-Direction
Self-reliance involves not depending on others to stay on task. For example, nobody but yourself will be tracking your gym progress and holding you accountable to your goals if you do not hire a coach.
Here the main question is: can you stay on track without someone keeping tabs on you? Whether it’s about consistency or sticking to your goal, self-direction means being your own coach.
Self-Agency
Self-reliance also requires us to believe that we can determine our own fates. If you live in reaction to the world, rather than believing you can change it, you won’t be self-reliant.
This is really about believing that your actions matter — that you have the power to shape your life. So, ask yourself this: am I always reacting instead of acting?
The opposite of self-reliance is being dependent on others. This means not making decisions on one’s own and needing other people’s help to get things done (Jennings et al., 2015).
Why Self-Reliance Is Important
Self-reliance is important because getting things done on our own makes us more effective, increases positive feelings about ourselves, and increases the likelihood that we will work harder in the future, especially in challenging circumstances (Bandura, 1997). So, being self-reliant makes you more effective and feel better about yourself.
The things we have trouble doing, or don’t think we can do, tend to become things we avoid doing. Building self-reliance therefore becomes an important way to stay committed to and actively pursue our goals.
Remember that on the flip side, constantly relying on others can lead to dependency, self-doubt, and even anxiety. If you’ve ever avoided something just because you didn’t think you could do it alone isn’t the answer.
But that’s why building self-reliance is important. This is really the first step to learning how self-reliance can change your life tremendously.
How Self-Reliance Can Change Your Life?
Self-reliance is something you can strengthen over time. Here are a few ideas (Gecas, 1989) for how to be more self-reliant to change your life:
Develop an Internal Locus of Control
Internal locus of control is awareness of what one can control in one’s environment. Focusing on the things that are within your control can help you stay in positive action.
The idea is to focus on what you can influence instead of worrying about what you can’t.
Develop a Sense of Mastery
Feeling capable and competent is a key part of self-reliance. To build this sense of mastery, approach activities in a way that maximises your chances of success.
Set modest and achievable goals, acknowledge your successes, and then set the bar a little higher next time. This accumulation of successes will gradually build self-reliance (Bandura, 1997).
The idea here is to start small and aim for success. Set achievable goals, celebrate wins, and gradually level up. You confidence will grow as you consistently prove to yourself that you can.
Know Your Limits
Knowing when you are out of your league or need help, and then effectively getting the support you need, can paradoxically build your sense of self-reliance.
It undermines our sense of self-reliance when other people have to step in and tell us we are falling short. Being honest with ourselves about our limits can help us be self-reliant even in the domain of getting help.
Knowing when to ask for help means you are self-aware, and taking ownership of your growth.
Get Positive Feedback
Feedback matters. Research tells us that it helps to have other people witness us and give support and encouragement as we do things on our own (Ashford et al., 2010; Bandura, 1997).
We can carry this encouragement with us as we go on to do more things on our own. So, give yourself a thumb up and celebrate your achievement as part of your self-love journey.
Bottom Line
Self-reliance doesn’t mean doing things alone. In reality, it’s about trusting yourself to take actions, and knowing when to ask for help. It’s okay to ask for help!! No one can do it on their own.
So, think about where you see the distinction between self-reliance and codependence in your own life. What are the limits of your ability to build the life you want? How can you turn to others to increase that capacity in yourself? Can you accept the limits of your own self-reliance, but keep working to build it at the same time?
Finding this balance has led to increased well-being for many people (Knudson & Terrell, 2012), and it can for you, too.
I hope this post helps you become more self-reliant 🙂 Share with us in the comments below: what first step will you take to become more self-reliant?
References
- Ashford, S., Edmunds, J., & French, D. P. (2010). What is the best way to change self-efficacy to promote lifestyle and recreational physical activity? A systematic review with meta-analysis. British Journal of Health Psychology, 15(2), 265-288.
- Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84, 191-215.
- Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: the exercise of control. New York: W.H. Freeman and Company.
- Gecas, V. (1989). The social psychology of self-efficacy. Annual Review of Sociology, 291-316.
- Haley, K. (2013). Women designing a faculty career: the role of self-reliance. The Journal of Faculty Development, 27(1), 5-12.
- Jennings, K. S., Cheung, J. H., Britt, T. W., Goguen, K. N., Jeffirs, S. M., Peasley, A. L., & Lee, A. C. (2015). How are perceived stigma, self-stigma, and self-reliance related to treatment-seeking? A three-path model. Psychiatric Rehabilitation Journal, 38(2), 109.
- Knudson, T. M., & Terrell, H. K. (2012). Codependency, perceived interparental conflict, and substance abuse in the family of origin. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 40, 245–257.
