How To Develop Emotional Intelligence in 4 Steps

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”- Daniel Goleman

Like me, I wondered how many times have you heard about emotional intelligence over the recent years? Emotional intelligence is a term that’s been buzzed around in recent years.

Whether in your workplace or through a self-help book or a podcast, emotional intelligence is a concept that most people are aware of.

Now, what really is emotional intelligence? When you hear about emotional intelligence, think about it as that unseen element that enables us to connect better with our emotions and the feelings of those around us. It’s the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the feelings of others. Mastering emotional intelligence will help you improve your work wellbeing in the end.

I think the concept itself is so abstract that many people may feel confused if they struggle to develop emotional intelligence. And rightfully so!

If you are here to understand if you can cultivate emotional intelligence. The answer is a big, fat, affirmative YES. Anyone can build this skill. So don’t worry; I’ve got your back!

In this blog post, we will explore how to increase emotional intelligence to grow as individuals, personally and professionally.

Why is emotional intelligence important? Building emotional intelligence as part of your personal development journey is critical because it enhances your ability to form stronger relationships, achieve goals, be self-aware, resolve conflicts, collaborate, communicate effectively, empathize, and make better decisions.

How to build emotional intelligence?

If you want to build your emotional intelligence, think about following these simple steps with easy-to-follow strategies.

To build your emotional intelligence:

• Learn to identify your emotions

• Express your feelings in a constructive way

• Practice active listening

• Take responsibility

1. Learn to identify your emotions

Understanding and identifying your emotions is the first step in cultivating your emotional intelligence. As humans, you and I are emotional beings. Emotions are a part of us. We feel happy, sad, angry, anxious, and everything in between. Right?!

So, when we don’t acknowledge and express these emotions, they can become bottled up inside, causing more harm than good.

So how to identify and understand your emotions? Here are some tips on how I’ve learnt to understand my emotions. Try it out too!

Tip 1: Take a moment each day to reflect on your emotions. You can us the Self-Reflection Journal in our collection of free tools. Ask yourself how you are feeling and put a name to that emotion. Don’t ignore whatever you are feeling. Remember that ignoring doesn’t make things go away.

Tip 2: Analyse the cause by identifying what event, person, or thought triggered this emotion. Once you know how you are feeling, try putting a finger on why you are feeling that way. Understanding the cause can help you better manage your emotions.

Tip 3: Acknowledge the emotions by accepting that they are valid and it’s okay to feel the way you do. Denying your feelings might prevent you from dealing with them appropriately.

Tip 4: Track emotional patterns by recording your emotions and their triggers. A journal might help you do this. Over time, this can help you identify patterns and better understand your emotional responses.

Tip 5: Practice mindfulness to be fully present in the moment, which can help you better understand your emotions as they arise.

The idea here is to be authentic and honest with your emotions by being in the moment. So, feel free to acknowledge your emotions, whatever they are. Remember, emotions aren’t something to be feared or ignored.

2. Express your feelings in a constructive way 

Once you’ve identified your emotions and feelings and understood them, it’s time to address them by expressing them in an appropriate way.

How can you do that? By following the tips below.

Tip 1: Formulate your thoughts before expressing your feelings. This will help you express your feelings clearly and effectively.

Tip 2: Choose the right time and place to express your feelings. Find the time when you won’t be interrupted. This will allow for a more meaningful and focused discussion.

Tip 3: Use “I” statements instead of starting sentences with “you”. This will help you to express your feelings without blaming or criticising the other person. For instance, instead of saying, “You are always so selfish,” you can say, “I feel frustrated when you don’t listen to me.”

Tip 4: Express your feelings respectfully by avoiding yelling or using hurtful words. Remember that the goal is to express your feelings, not to hurt the other person’s feelings.

Tip 5: Listen to the other person’s perspective by giving them an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. The chances are you will lead to understanding and resolution.

The idea here is to avoid bottling up emotions because they can lead to negative consequences like hurting others or damaging relationships.

You want to express your emotions in a constructive manner to build stronger relationships with those around you, establish healthy boundaries, and solve problems effectively. This has an immense impact on your own wellbeing. You will see!

3. Practice active listening 

Part of increasing your emotional intelligence is through the practice of active listening. It means giving your full attention to the person speaking and seeking to understand their perspective and thoughts without interruption or judgment.

How to practice active listening? Follow the tips outlined below.

Tip 1: Avoid interruptions to allow the speaker to complete their thoughts before responding. Interrupting can disrupt the speaker’s thought process and lead to miscommunication.

Tip 2: Give non-verbal feedback by nodding, smiling, and other appropriate reactions to reassure the speaker that you are listening.

Tip 3: Paraphrase and summarize the speaker’s points in your own words to demonstrate your understanding and offer an opportunity for clarification if needed.

Tip 4: Ask open-ended questions to encourage further dialogue and deepens your understanding of the speaker’s perspective.

Tip 5: Avoid judgment by keeping an open mind until the speaker has finished creating a safe space for open communication.

Tip 6: Practice empathy so you can understand the speaker’s feelings and perspectives. This can build a deeper connection and trust between you and the speaker.

The idea here is to hear the words being spoken and interpret the speaker’s tone, emotion, and body language to truly grasp their message. This will help improve your relationships, gain new perspectives, and become a better communicator.

4. Take responsibility 

Taking responsibility for your actions and reactions is crucial to personal growth and development.

Follow the below tips to take responsibility:

Tip 1: Acknowledge your actions and reactions by recognising your efforts and the impact they have had, whether positive or negative.

Tip 2: Apologise sincerely if your actions have negatively impacted others. It’s a sign of maturity.

Tip 3: Learn from your mistakes and make amends if your actions made something go wrong. For instance, you could try fixing the mistake to rebuild the relationship.

Tip 4: Based on what you’ve learned, create a mental plan for handling similar situations in the future. It’s important you show that you’ve learned and grown through your actions.

Tip 5: Incorporate healthy coping mechanisms to manage stress, whether with a healthcare professional’s help, relaxation techniques or physical activities.

As we know, it’s really easy to attribute blame to external factors when things go wrong. So the idea here is to own your faults, take ownership of your choices, and learn how to control your responses to have a fulfilled life.

In Essence

Emotional intelligence is a valuable asset that helps you strengthen your relationship with yourself and others around you.

I’ve learned and still learning this skill. So, you can too. The only things you need are focus, dedication and commitment.

This skill can be taught. Mastering it will have tremendous benefits in your personal and professional life. If you practice consistently, you will be better equipped to make decisions, respond to people, and deal with difficult situations.