How To Love Yourself: Cultivate Self-Love In 3 Simple Steps

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”- Rupi Kaur

Do you struggle accepting yourself or listening to your own internal wisdom? Do you tend to overlook or underestimate your own needs? If so, it’s time to start cultivating a healthier relationship with yourself.

What is Self-Love? Self-love is sometimes thought to be an appreciation for one’s own worth or value. The words “self-love” are not generally used in psychology research. Instead, research is conducted on topics like self-worth, self-esteem, or self-compassion—topics closely related to self-love. Self-love might also be the regard an individual has for their own wellbeing and happiness. It’s vital for your personal growth journey. If you love yourself, then you can love other people and be loved.

Positive feelings towards the self are thought to be a crucial aspect of well-being. For example, self-esteem contributes to positive feelings and more initiative (Crocker, & Knight, 2005). Luckily, there are a number of ways to boost self-love. Making the decision to embark on a self-growth journey implies developing a healthy and strong relationship with ourselves first. When we decide to begin this journey, in a way, we commit to accepting ourselves and embracing our flaws.

This article offers some tips on how to cultivate self-love to have a happier life. There are a number of ways to boost self-love. By using these strategies, hopefully, we can feel better about our personality, skills, and appearance.

To have a fulfilled life, adopt these easy-to-follow steps:

• Practice Self-Care
• Be kind to yourself
• Respect your own boundaries

1. Practice Self-Care

To foster self-love habits, start by focusing on your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. It’s really about finding joy in activities that excite and energise you, allowing you to rekindle your passion for life. Why is it important to have a self-care routine? A self-care routine will allow you to get a break from your busy life and reconnect with yourself again.

How to practice self-care? Follow the tips below to find and engage in a routine.

Tip 1: Think about what activities bring you joy and happiness. Is it creating art, physical activity, relaxation activity, dancing, cleaning, cooking, or caring? Whichever it is, could you write it down? Why not try daily journaling as a way to better understand and work through feelings you have about yourself. In this journal, write 3 good things you like about yourself each day for example. This can be a reminder that can help you shift your thoughts in ways that improve how you feel about yourself

Tip 2: What activity is within your reach? How far is it from your location? Is this something you can afford? How much time and money do you need to invest in the activity? The idea is to choose an activity that is available and easily accessible to you so you can go on with your other commitments. Also, you don’t want to break the bank, right?

In my case, I love discovering new places and dancing, so I tend to go hiking or salsa dancing in my community. These activities are within my reach and within my budget. I have a friend whose activity of choice includes high-impact classes at the gym, while another friend prefers the same routine through a fitness app.

Tip 3: Once identified, make the plan to enjoy that activity as often as you wish. Perhaps join a cooking class or painting class on a weekly basis. If you can afford it, go nuts and get a spa day every month. It’s really up to you!

Tip 4: Do you wish to find a new activity? No problem. Invest in new hobbies! Try as many as possible and find the one that makes you happy! You can find an excellent book to read, learn photography or discover a new place.

Taking the time to care for yourself will give you a sense of tranquillity and stability. So, take some time out of your busy schedule and start nurturing yourself today: your mind, body, and soul will thank you for it! Download the self-care activity list in our free tools section.

2. Be Kind To Yourself

When we judge and criticise ourselves, we can end up feeling even worse about ourselves. We’re being bullies.

That’s why when trying to develop self-love, it’s important to be nice to ourselves. Treating yourself with kindness is part of your journey to self-love. Always be compassionate to yourself. It would help if you treated yourself as you would treat your best friend. Why? Kindness towards yourself forces you to focus on the positive things, even when feeling down. I’m sure that there is probably someone in your life for whom you have a blind spot. So, do I!

How to be kind to yourself? Follow these easy steps.

Tip 1: Recognising that you are feeling down is the first step to self-love. It’s important to be patient with ourselves and remember that imperfection is a part of the journey. Your emotions are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.

Tip 2: Practise positive self-talk every day. Even when feeling down, think about what you like about yourself. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. You could start by writing yourself a self-compassionate letter—a letter where we talk to yourself gently and tell yourself all the nice things you want to hear. Even better, why not start by listing all your achievements somewhere? Anything you are proud of? It will make you feel good about yourself. Use this list of 23 things to be thankful for to get started.

Tip 3: Perhaps you are having issues finding something positive to say about you right now. Don’t worry! I recommend reaching out to a loved one who will remind you how great you are. Seeking support from trusted individuals can help you cultivate a positive mindset.

Tip 4: Undo negative self-talk. When we have negative thoughts about ourselves, we often believe these thoughts. We might look down on ourselves for something we said or did. We are human. So, the idea here is to undo and question this negative self-talk. If you try this, you will see that you can start to pick apart its logic and discover that many of the negative things you think about yourself are not true. They are just opinions and you don’t need to hold these opinions anymore.

Tip 5: Practise gratitude by using the daily positivity journal. Think about your previous day. What happened that day? What brought you joy? Good, now write about it! It could be as simple as a random act of kindness from a colleague, an uplifting conversation with a friend, or even the taste of your favourite meal. Whatever it is, it’s part of your journey.

Tip 6: Forgive yourself. Research shows that forgiveness can help us reverse stress and anger (Harris, et al., 2006). So if you’re withholding love for yourself because you feel guilty for doing something wrong in the past, try to move past it, forgive yourself, and let go. Holding onto self-directed anger does no one any good, so see if you can find a way to call it even with yourself.

You can learn to validate and encourage yourself by including these practices in your routine, even in difficult moments. The idea is to gain self-validation through reflection. This is one way we learn to grow. Recognising those small wins is vital in loving yourself.

3. Respect Your Boundaries

Learning to listen to your feelings and needs is part of loving yourself. Setting boundaries can be challenging, but respecting your feelings and needs is crucial. Try being honest with yourself and establish boundaries. Why? This is how you will learn to protect yourself, acknowledge your self-worth and advocate for what you deserve.

How can you do it? By following these easy steps:

Tip 1: Listen to your guts and prioritise yourself. Nobody else is going to put your needs first unless you do it. You probably know your limits; if not, learn to recognise them. Be true to yourself. It’s important, to be honest about what you’re willing to do and to establish your limits. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you are selfish.

Tip 2: Own your power. If we feel like we have little control or power over our lives, we can start to feel helpless and hopeless. Even though we don’t have control over everything, if we look, we can find ways to own our own power. For example, you might take responsibility for keeping your room clean or your bed made. Only you have the power to make that decision. Since you do, why not practice random acts of kindness? Or start working towards building a new skill that will help you get a better job. We are not entirely powerless. Try organising your intention organiser or building your self-care vision board as a starting point. All we have to do is show up for ourselves by taking back control of our lives. 

Tip 3: You have the right to say NO and prioritise what’s important to you. You shouldn’t be afraid to communicate your boundaries in a kind and assertive manner. People who love you will understand. If you are clear about your boundary, you’ll cultivate healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.

Tip 4: Don’t be afraid to be alone and take moments for a “me time”. Taking time for yourself will help you rejuvenate and relax, allowing you to come back to the world more inspired and creative than ever. During moments of solitude, we learn to truly listen to our thoughts, ideas and feelings.

The key here is to learn and listen to your instincts to care for yourself. The only way is by prioritising you and you alone. If you prioritise yourself, you will learn to listen to your needs to the point that you are perfectly comfortable hanging out with yourself.

In Essence

Practising Self-Love is a challenging ride that will pay off. Whether you are new to this practice or in the middle of your journey, taking these small steps can help you cultivate a better relationship with yourself. Self-Love is an invaluable investment into your most important asset, YOU!

I hope these tips help you become your own best friend! Now, tell us: how do you cultivate self-love?

References

Crocker, J., & Knight, K. M. (2005). Contingencies of self-worth. Current directions in psychological science, 14(4), 200-203.

Harris, A. H., Luskin, F. M., Benisovich, S. V., Standard, S., Bruning, J., Evans, S., and Thoresen, C.  (2006). Effects of a group forgiveness intervention on forgiveness, perceived stress and trait anger: A randomized trial. Journal of Clinical Psychology,  62(6), 715-733.